The pleasure principle

LETTING GO OF EXPECTATIONS TO DEVELOP A DEEPER UNDERSTANDING OF YOURSELF AND YOUR INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS IS KEY TO A FULFILLING LOVE LIFE AFTER 50, SAYS SEXOLOGIST AND RELATIONSHIP THERAPIST, NAOMI HUTCHINGS.

Naomi will be leading a frank and forthright discussion on sex, intimacy and relationships at the GemLife Over-50s Lifestyle Forum on Tuesday, 19 September.

“There are so many expectations put on us, particularly the view we see in the media, whether it is the glamorous people on Instagram or the perception that because you’re over 50 you’ve somehow become invisible,” she said.

“Adding to that are misconceptions about sex and relationships. I believe sex positivity should be embraced, but that goes beyond having sex.

It is also permission not to have sex if that’s what you choose.”

Open communication is the key to quality intimate relationships, says Naomi.

“Be honest with yourself about what you want from your partner,” she says. “As awkward or uncomfortable as it might be, it is important to have those discussions and negotiate what will work for the both of you.”

For couples who have been together many years, the comfort of the familiar might have resulted in a little bit of staleness in the sexual side of the relationship.

“Now that you have more time to yourselves with the kids out of home, don’t be afraid of looking at ways to spice things up,” said Naomi.

“I’m not necessarily talking about the Karma Sutra, but rather doing things a little differently such as making love in another room.”

Naomi says exploring different approaches to intimacy together can deepen emotional connections and strengthen relationships.

“Rediscovering desire is very important,” she says. “So too is placing expectations on pleasure.

Remember, pleasure is the measure. There is more to love making than penetrative sex.”

Today’s over 50s have a wonderful opportunity to enjoy fulfilling love lives for decades to come by putting time and attention into their relationships.

“Take the time to do things together – dance classes for instance,” said Naomi. “Check in on one another and let them know that you’ve chosen them to do life with.”